Proud Pride

Dear Readers,

Before I start with this post I want to say this post is not intended to cause offense to anyone or any sort of negative emotions. I just hope to bring across a message of joy, hope, and love.

Now, on with the post. (:

June is World Pride Month and as a gay man this is my first I have gotten to celebrate being that I only came out in November of last year. 

Salt Lake City Pride was the first weekend of June and it truly was a wonderful experience for me. I got to spend it with friends and family that I love. I think my favorite experience from the entire weekend was the Sunday morning parade. I got to walk in the parade with a foundation I support and I got to walk it with my friends and family. I don't truly how to describe it but I truly felt beyond free and one hundred percent myself. There was no judgement and just love being shown to all.

Another wonderful experience that I got to experience this month is that I got to speak at Encircle: LGBT+ Family and Youth Center. I shared my coming out story and how I have learned to thrive after my suicide attempt (which is a whole blog post in it's self). It was truly a beautiful experience and even though I may have stumbled I am grateful for that opportunity and all who came to support me. I just pray that I was able to touch at least one soul. 

It truly changed me and I will never forget it.

To change gears a little bit I want to say what Pride means to me and hear it is:

What this month means to me is love. Pride truly is celebrating yourself for who you are, no matter if that's gay, straight, lesbian, or whatever that may be. It means love one another as yourself and learning to not be unkind to your fellow man all year around. It means spreading hope to those who feel hopeless. It means to show joy to the sad. 

I truly feel that once we realize that someones sexuality is just a very small part of them and it doesn't define who they are in any aspect of their life. So please, don't judge someone based on their sexuality but get to know them and I promise you will learn to love them... even if your beliefs differ. Anyone who is apart of the LGBTQ+ community is just like anyone who is apart of the straight community. We have dreams of having a family one day, being great at whatever career who pursue, and to love and be loved. We have more similarities then any differences we have. 

My challenge to you is to go about your day loving more and seeing the good in others instead of their faults. I promise that when you do, you will start to feel more happy.

“Love each other dearly always. There is scarcely anything else in the world but that: to love one another.” 

― Victor Hugo

Love,

Nathan

The Week Of Death

Dear Readers, 

What a week my lovelies. I know this might sound dark and dramatic but I call this past week 

"The Week of Death".

Here is why: 

On Monday, early in the morning my great uncle Don passed away from his battle of cancer. I was in a type of shock when my parents told me, due to him only being diagnosed 13 days before his passing. He was such a wonderful man. He always put everyone first and he helped all who crossed his path. 

The entire city, where he lived, was in mourning from his passing. I am grateful that he is not in pain anymore and I am grateful for all the love and prayers that have been sent to my family and I.

On Friday (the day of my uncle Don's funeral), I got on to my Facebook and saw the news that my dear friend Bonnie, a woman who I was her care taker for passed away. All I could do was get up from my desk and go to the stairs at my work and cry. I texted my coworker Lexi to have her meet me in the stairs. I told her the news and she just held me. It was just what I needed and I am so thankful for that beautiful moment. 

A few moments later, my mom called and told me the news that one of my aunts passed away that morning. You guessed it... I cried some more. After having a good cry I freshened up and went back to my desk and pretended that everything was fine. 

I guess I didn't do a good job because my boss came to my office and said that he needed to meet with me in the conference room. I was so nervous and thought I was in trouble. I entered the room and sat down. He looked at me and said "You're having a hard day, aren't you?" I simply said, "I am." and became vulnerable and explained why. He explained how he understands and wanted me to take the rest of the day off. 

I wanted to give him a hug and explain how grateful I am but all I could do was get up and say thank you. I am so thankful for him seeing that I was having a hard day and he gave me a brake to rejuvenate. I've never had a boss show compassion like that and it makes me feel oh so grateful for my job, even though I am not the best at it. 

I know that we can have days, weeks, or months of hardships but I promise that they won't last. I know it feels like it will but I promise the good times will come again. Just like the sun rises each day. 

You are stronger than you think and you are braver than you think. You are a beautiful soul and you have those on here on this earth and those who have passed on cheering you on every moment of everyday.

Love, 

Nathan 

Love Yourself

Dear Readers, 

I feel like this week I have been hard on myself and my appearance and I hate that. I hate that I, at times I just rip my appearance apart and only focus on the negative. 

I know it is not healthy and I have done my best to do the opposite this week and I actually have come up with a new and awesome technique! 

What I have started to do is keep a daily "Self Positive Journal". Each day I write in it something that I love about myself. It can be either physical or more of an emotional one. 

I encourage everyone to try it. I promise you that you will start to see yourself in a more positive way and you will start to feel more confident in who you are. 

"When your opinion of yourself goes up then you’ll stop trying to get so much validation and attention from other people. You become less needy and find an inner stability even when your world might be negative or uncertain at times.

The increasing self-esteem and self-love also makes you feel more deserving of good things in life and so you’ll self-sabotage less and go after what you deep down want with more motivation and focus than ever before."

- Unknown

Love, 

Nathan

An Elect Lady

Dear Readers,

As Mother's Day was on Sunday I have been thinking about my own mom and the amazing woman she is. There truly are not words that can fully explain how much I love her but there is a quote that reminds me of her whenever I see it. 

“My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.” 

― George Washington

I adore you mom and I am beyond thankful for you and the beautiful human you are.

You are my person and I could never see my life without you.

Love your little Magoo (:

Did Someone Say Moving?!

Dear Readers,

All I can say is wow. You know how I was suppose to be moved to my new place and new city by now for school? Well... plans have changed and I am staying right where I am and I feel that it's what is suppose to be happening.

I have already found a new job and I just finished my first day there. 

So far it seems like a great place and I am really excited for what might be coming from it. As for school I will start attending Utah Valley University this fall and I am really excited. 

I've only done one semester of school but I will accomplish my dreams and get that degree. haha

Do you ever feel that your life plans change constantly? Well, I do and sometimes it hits me so hard that all I can do is sit down on my stairs and cry. Cry and yell at God that I am scared and I have no idea what He wants me to do. 

I mean I plan and prep and do what I feel He wants me to do and then I end up feeling broken and lost... 

I then remember something... I remember that it's all going to be okay and that I just need to have faith. I feel that a lot of the time He lets us feel broken so that when we feel full and joyful we really can feel it. Ya know? 

I hope this post has made sense (even though it's super short)  because I just wanted to be able to update you on my life and also what I've been thinking about a lot lately. 

I love you all so much and I hope you each are having a fantastic Monday. (:

Love, 

Nathan  

Life Update and Emotional Triumphs

Dear Readers,

It's been so long since I've wrote to you and it breaks my heart. I love writing my thoughts and about my day and sharing it with all of you.

Things have been pretty crazy this month from the musical "Sister Act The Musical" that I am performing in opening on the 4th and we perform every night except on Sundays and then also prepping everything for my move down to St. George Utah this coming month.

The show is going great and I have had so many people come to support me and show their love.

I feel like it makes me perform better as an actor when I know those I love are out there.

I love that feeling of the lights hitting my face and feeling the energy of my audience.

It is truly magical.

(My friend's Julie and Ashley after one of my performances)

Everything for my move seems to be going pretty smoothly as well.

Here is what I have gotten done so far:

1) Found an apartment

2) Decided on my classes for Fall semester

3) Applied for jobs and set up multiple job interviews

Yay me! #adulating

I am so excited yet scared for this move and here is why...

 I know no one where I am going. I have been down there only a handful of times and do not know the city. I also have never lived on my own.

It scares to me because well... what if I fail? What if I get horrible grades and I make no friends? What if I let God down?

I am doing this move for Him. He has told me for years to move down there and I never listened and did what I wanted and I know that is wrong. I've changed and I know that without a doubt I am suppose to be in Saint George, UT. I don't know why but I will go because He has asked me to. 

 Last night I felt so down and anxious about everything. I decided to pray for strength and guidance to help me with this journey and this morning... this morning I felt such a peace and joyful.

I received two calls for two more job interviews!

He is already answered so many of my pleas through prayer and He is doing it again.

I love Him so much and I am so excited for what I have going on in my life. I am growing and becoming a better version of myself.

Go me!

I know some of you may not believe in God or anything for that matter and that is okay!

I just want you to know that you have a purpose and that you WILL achieve great things.

You are more than any limitations you may have and you are a WARRIOR.

Please remember this my lovelies.

Comment below a fear you had and that you were able to conquer. 

I would love to hear! (:  

Love,

Nathan  

Deep Thoughts And A Hot Bath

Dear Readers, 

This past week I have been very stressed. From my car being in the mechanic and not knowing what is wrong with it.

Figuring everything out for this coming semester, for school, and living arrangements for school.

To the musical I am in, opening in a week and a half, and a lot of the cast is messing around, and not prepared for opening night. 

So lets say that when I have had free time I have been watching a ton of Netflix/vegging and drinking some fraps from the one and only Starbucks, haha Oh! And don't forget at least two baths a week (with showers in between).  (: 

Today I left work early and came home because I needed some "me time"

. As I am writing this my bath is filling with two of my natural oils (Faith and Stress Away). I for one really do love my oils and feel they work when I need relaxation and to get rid of some stress. Just the smell of the citrus and the my music playing in the background, has helped me calm down.

I feel that it is very important for everyone to take sometime out of each week and have some (me time). I think it is important for our mental and physical health. Whether for you it is watching your fav show or going to the gym and sweating it out. Do something that makes you happy and also gives you some alone time.

I promise that you feel so much more joyful and peppy because of it. :)

For me it is taking a bath while either listening to music or watching some of my fav Youtubers or Netflix show at the time. 

I hope that each of you have a wonderful week and let me know what you like to do for your "me time", lovelies. 

Love, 

Nathan