SEM;COLON

Dear Lovelies, 

Definition of Semicolon: 

 "a punctuation mark; that can be used to separate parts of a sentence which need clearer separation than would be shown by a comma, to separate main clauses which have no conjunction between, and to separate phrases and clauses containing commas."

I love how in this definition of what a semicolon is it states: "which need clearer separation". 

As someone who has survived a suicide attempt this helped me realize that my life before my suicide attempt, the time period I attempted, and my life after recovering from it are each individual moments in my life. They each define me in some way. I look at those 3 separate parts of my life and I see very 3 different parts of Nathan. Am I making sense, lovelies?

When I attempted I felt as if there was no more parts of life to live. 

I felt that my life was done. 

I felt as if my life was not worth continuing. 

I felt as if my life was of no worth. 

I felt that my depression had consumed me. 

I felt unworthy of love in any portion of my life. 

I felt that there was no semicolon portion for me. 

I felt defeated and done. 

After I realized that I was still alive, after my attempt... I was mad. I was so angry with the world and those who helped to keep me alive. I yelled at the doctors, I yelled at my family, and I screamed at God. After having a grown-up tantrum and being in the hospital for a few days I realized that it was okay to be alive. I wasn't fully happy but I felt as if I was still alive for a reason that was completely unknown to me at the time and partially unknown to me at times still. 

Now that I am not in my semicolon stage and I am in the completely separate chapter I am breathing. I am building stronger relationships with my family and friends. I am striving to create in ways that are beautiful and raw to me. I am not letting my depression control every moment of every day. I am learning to love that I am alive and I think that is a beautiful thing within itself. 

Don't you?

Never forget that and never forget hope.

You are loved.