SELF-WORTH CAN BE TOUGH

Dear Readers, 

I've learned that fear limits you and your vision. It serves as blinders to what may be just a few steps down the road for you. The journey is valuable, but believing in your talents, your abilities, and your self-worth can empower you to walk down an even brighter path.

-Soledad O'Brien

These words rang so true to me and one of my biggest weaknesses... self-worth. I struggle SO much with accepting myself, in any aspect. I struggle so much at times that all I can do is cry and wait for the tears to pass. I always fall into the comparison cycle of looking at others and their good and comparing it to my bad and I believe we all do this. 

Yesterday was a very busy but emotional day. I got to help all day and night with a foundation I volunteer at as much as I can. This was a very huge event that was created to help  LGBTQ+ Youth in Utah not feel alone or ashamed but to help them feel like they are beautiful as they are and they are needed in this community. There was an amazing turn out of youth and their families/friends. 

Through out the entire day I could not help but smile while looking at all of these youth. They felt safe, wanted, and authentically accepted. It was beyond amazing. The finale for the event was a concert. I was helping and so I was in the back of the stadium and as one song played I could not help but just let all of my tears out. You might assume they were tears of joy (which they were) but in all honesty it was mainly tears of sorrow. Why? You may ask. The reason being is because I felt sorrow for my past self. I was grieving what teenage Nathan had to go through and also what I had to go through last year after and before my suicide attempt.

 That time was almost complete darkness for me. 

I felt sorrow for that past part of my life because I thought about that if I knew what all of these high school and middle school kids knew now that maybe I would have never had tried to kill myself and maybe my depression would not be as bad as it is at times. 

After my tears stopped I had the realization that I am grateful for those past parts of my life. Without them I would not be who I am and I would not be able to help all those who I do. It was amazing to have that revelation and to in a sense gain a piece of my self-worth that was not there before. 

Self-worth can always be found.

 IT IS NOT LOST. 

This experience did not get rid of my negative thoughts but it helped me to realize a few things: 

Yes, I struggle with self-worth. Yes, at times I see no value in myself. Yes, I sometimes do not feel hopeful. 

AND THAT IS OKAY!!!

 It is okay to always be a work in progress. It is okay to continually grow into yourself so that you can feel your own self-worth. 

When you continue to search for your self-wroth you continue to walk down your own path of light, lovelies. I know that at times all you will see is your negatives. Accept that, sit in that, and let your heart work through that. It will help you heal and it will help you to become better and finding your own worth. We all deserve that. So... as this next week starts fight the comparing game and remember your own worth, even if it is only one thing.

Never forget that and never forget hope.

You are loved lovelies.